 
// Author:Brandon Checketts
// Homepage: http://www.apeleon.net/~microbit/brandon.html
// Email: Brandon@microbits.com
// For this script and more, visit http://wsabstract.com

numQuotes=213;
quoteArray = new Array(numQuotes);
quoteArray[0]="\Sasha instructed the children to be sinister.";
quoteArray[1]="\No matter the benefits, keep machines out of orgasms."
quoteArray[2]="\Push button societies always fall to the door kickers."
quoteArray[3]="\Mathematics was far dirtier than Peter imagined."
quoteArray[4]="\The Earth is troubling in its ability to produce anthills."
quoteArray[5]="\Burning papers is more symbolic than effective."
quoteArray[6]="\Janice longed for the comforts of the transatlantic cable." 
quoteArray[7]="\The truth is whatever is funniest."
quoteArray[8]="\Red means the same thing to all creatures."
quoteArray[9]="\Carla thought it was a good time to scream about vegetables."
quoteArray[10]="\It’s impossible to be fiendish about marzipan."
quoteArray[11]="\Fortune is made with abandon, misery is made with great care."
quoteArray[12]="\Frosted glass, maple iron, candied twilight."
quoteArray[13]="\Patricia had become hairy in places that wouldn’t have bothered others."
quoteArray[14]="\Dreams remain the only effective substitute for architecture."
quoteArray[15]="\Random searches only uncover hilarious evidence."
quoteArray[16]="\The misery of life is denying your impulses."
quoteArray[17]="\Martha wondered if pavement would one day cover her grave."
quoteArray[18]="\Surface guilt, mother’s milk, museum quilt."
quoteArray[19]="\Doctors have the most similar haircuts worldwide."
quoteArray[20]="\Jacob was only a year older than Christmas."
quoteArray[21]="\Our reliance on stone demands immediate reconsideration."
quoteArray[22]="\Do not tamper with airplane lavatory lie detectors."
quoteArray[23]="\Portugal still maintains imagined imperial currency."
quoteArray[24]="\Carolyn dreamed in plausible sounding clichés of her own making."
quoteArray[25]="\There are more fake cowboys than insects."
quoteArray[26]="\What interests us most becomes the ruin of our age."
quoteArray[27]="\Johanna wondered if there are special chiropractors for nymphomaniacs?"
quoteArray[28]="\As we get older, opportunities become curses."
quoteArray[29]="\All teenagers would benefit from being abandoned in the ocean."
quoteArray[30]="\Jeremy was more attracted to economy than beauty."
quoteArray[31]="\Someday, our synthetic blood will wash away the fury of existence."
quoteArray[32]="\Anyone can be crass enough if they watch TV."
quoteArray[33]="\Police continue to clash with phone testers."
quoteArray[34]="\John wondered why brides were such bad mimics."
quoteArray[35]="\I refuse to say in three words that which I can express in two."
quoteArray[36]="\Every life has approximately 18 minutes of usable footage."
quoteArray[37]="\You know there’s a problem if you see rats or burglars out in the daytime."
quoteArray[38]="\There was no big bang – at least, I’ve never had one."
quoteArray[39]="\Marsha suspects all cabdrivers are cowards."
quoteArray[40]="\Masturbation is still more fun than wine tastings."
quoteArray[41]="\The lesson we’re meant to learn from nature is continuity."
quoteArray[42]="\The world continues to be ruined by ugly people acting serious."
quoteArray[43]="\Children remember all their beatings."
quoteArray[44]="\Your death will have no sound."
quoteArray[45]="\Kim mused, is it really so bad the virus has come?"
quoteArray[46]="\It is better to make predictions than to study the histories."
quoteArray[47]="\Living or dead – it’s time to chat with your mother."
quoteArray[48]="\Everything that starts out a bonus ends up a crutch."
quoteArray[49]="\Joni figured there was more to be lost in a nuclear war than people thought."
quoteArray[50]="\I’ve met more glassmakers than I’ve had orgasms."
quoteArray[51]="\Jimmy wanted to pave over the stars to prove he was relevant."
quoteArray[52]="\In 100 years, everyone will marvel that we walked so close to traffic."
quoteArray[53]="\No one who has eaten can understand the hungry."
quoteArray[54]="\Life is a struggle between the seductive and the true."
quoteArray[55]="\Derrick tried his best to hate art rather than ignore it."
quoteArray[56]="\The desire to endlessly repeat scenarios has led to the success of coffee shops."
quoteArray[57]="\Richard believed that gender neutrality threatened national boundaries."
quoteArray[58]="\Sinister windfalls, vacant fortunes."
quoteArray[59]="\Magnetism should be employed for direction, not containment."
quoteArray[60]="\Making something cold immediately increases its beauty."
quoteArray[61]="\It’s dreamy to demolish one’s expectations."
quoteArray[62]="\Your pets define your freedom."
quoteArray[63]="\Eroticize insect sex at your peril."
quoteArray[64]="\Noise is the commerce of apartment living."
quoteArray[65]="\Dasha felt that defining herself by her aversions wasn’t so bad."
quoteArray[66]="\Lying increases the power of man over his environment."
quoteArray[67]="\You used to care – now you drive."
quoteArray[68]="\Monique refused to call parks green spaces and was richly rewarded"
quoteArray[69]="\Nothing is uglier than the Borough of Queens from the air."
quoteArray[70]="\Despair the ports – rejoice the oceans."
quoteArray[71]="\Her name rhymed with a non-nutritional food product."
quoteArray[72]="\Just as pitching and hitting make up baseball – hiding and discovering make up the truth."
quoteArray[73]="\Food still reduces opponents to nothing."
quoteArray[74]="\Ride on all horses, if you find any left."
quoteArray[75]="\Character is the ability to govern which thoughts become actions."
quoteArray[76]="\Violence demonstrates a lack of imagination."
quoteArray[77]="\Victor wondered why the Holy Land was so brown."
quoteArray[78]="\Total submission to an idea is the greatest achievement in life."
quoteArray[79]="\The efficient parent guides his children with the commerce of love."
quoteArray[80]="\The largest gap in the world remains between the beautiful and the worthy."
quoteArray[81]="\Luck is condescending and vicious – embrace it and despair."
quoteArray[82]="\Every human ideal is a hideous fiction."
quoteArray[83]="\Prostitution is legal in every human experience except sex."
quoteArray[84]="\Laura felt that pictures of Nordic people always rang false."
quoteArray[85]="\Martin decided that the best marketing explains nothing."
quoteArray[86]="\The invention of voting ensured little democracy."
quoteArray[87]="\Run out into the street if you truly feel blessed."
quoteArray[88]="\When does a mirror finally become the thing it reflects?"
quoteArray[89]="\Portia flew off on a whim – always the whim of others."
quoteArray[90]="\The age of cameras will be followed by an eternity of revisionism."
quoteArray[91]="\Speak in numbers – labor in waves."
quoteArray[92]="\Ingrid forgave no one their popularity."
quoteArray[93]="\For every injustice, a prayer – for every godsend, an umbrella."
quoteArray[94]="\David thought, ‘How about, fuck your ‘free’ wi-fi.’"
quoteArray[95]="\Tim felt the only thing alive in his life were the overhead catenary wires."
quoteArray[96]="\The airport is never the destination."
quoteArray[97]="\The French enjoyed far more than Tabitha realized."
quoteArray[98]="\It is impossible to live in the best country if you’ve never lived anywhere else."
quoteArray[99]="\Out of service – out of limes – out of tests – out of time."
quoteArray[100]="\Your hat says more about you than you should want to reveal."
quoteArray[101]="\Your superstitions are far more interesting than your achievements."
quoteArray[102]="\Corbin was always being mistaken for someone’s best friend."
quoteArray[103]="\Concrete was a marvelous invention – but not for everything.  "
quoteArray[104]="\Watching people you don’t know is worse than leprosy."
quoteArray[105]="\Fashion cycles – taste walks."
quoteArray[106]="\Jeffy worried that he would only be clever on his death bed."
quoteArray[107]="\Keep blue neon far from where people live."
quoteArray[108]="\Mobile phones bring tragedy out into the public square."
quoteArray[109]="\Martha expected everyone she met to weep."
quoteArray[110]="\Guard darkness as if it was your most precious possession."
quoteArray[111]="\If you commit suicide, they’ll shut down your website."
quoteArray[112]="\Paul never questioned why he drove a tanker truck of hazardous water."
quoteArray[113]="\If you knew what was above the tunnel, you’d never go in."
quoteArray[114]="\Optimists rarely have a stake in anything."
quoteArray[115]="\The last word you write will probably be unimportant."
quoteArray[116]="\The girls you remember are never the ones that mattered."
quoteArray[117]="\If you have a horse face, don’t get caught eating hay."
quoteArray[118]="\The world is mostly polluted with useless wisdom."
quoteArray[119]="\You’re only as famous as the people who care about you."
quoteArray[120]="\Unless people say you’re funny, avoid comedy at all costs."
quoteArray[121]="\Aggravation is a more reliable sign of life than a pulse."
quoteArray[122]="\Frank blamed most of his childhood disappointments on his Italian face."
quoteArray[123]="\Walking sticks create the instant revulsion of holocaust deniers."
quoteArray[124]="\Mirrors and New Orleans Jazz are better the dirtier they are."
quoteArray[125]="\Stop clothing your defeats in the disease coats of victory."
quoteArray[126]="\It’s unfortunate that cowards always make the most money."
quoteArray[127]="\Where there are video cameras, there are no rights."
quoteArray[128]="\Great theatre invents itself without need of an author."
quoteArray[129]="\The enemy of biology is a straight line."
quoteArray[130]="\The destruction of one’s self is the real allure of sex."
quoteArray[131]="\True art cannot be measured or endured."
quoteArray[132]="\Your life’s goal should not fit on a questionnaire."
quoteArray[133]="\All myths desire to be reborn in us."
quoteArray[134]="\Reunions always find their own level of intolerance."
quoteArray[135]="\Tragedy is the only inexhaustible supply of entertainment."
quoteArray[136]="\Vodka and strangers should be more fun."
quoteArray[137]="\Nothing can match the sheer rudeness of a kitchen staff at closing."
quoteArray[138]="\The myth of the oversexed woman has ruined more lives than all the wars in history."
quoteArray[139]="\Being conspicuous about your profession is tantamount to failure."
quoteArray[140]="\If it weren’t for corporate logos, canvas bags would not exist."
quoteArray[141]="\People are simply the ghosts that haunt machines."
quoteArray[142]="\Candles wax, beauty wanes."
quoteArray[143]="\Fortuna asked everyone she knew if she was out of place."
quoteArray[144]="\Automated questions demand prompt, furious responses."
quoteArray[145]="\Beth found that the best gauge of a person’s intelligence was patriotism."
quoteArray[146]="\Always steal in the morning when policemen are friendliest."
quoteArray[147]="\People with biblical names are required to make very few important decisions."
quoteArray[148]="\Large, romantic gestures are often made in self-defense."
quoteArray[149]="\It’s dangerous to ridicule a man using technology."
quoteArray[150]="\Nothing mechanical can make us more secure."
quoteArray[151]="\Women’s breasts weren’t as different as Henry had hoped."
quoteArray[152]="\Cashiers often enforce rules more strictly than they are intended."
quoteArray[153]="\Hungry children are exceptionally hard to frighten."
quoteArray[154]="\Every life should come with three timeouts."
quoteArray[155]="\People become more attractive to each other the longer they work together in the same office."
quoteArray[156]="\Fear of writing comes from an overinflated sense of self."
quoteArray[157]="\Cute girls should never talk about Zantac."
quoteArray[158]="\Everyone is forced to be interested in the opinions of the beautiful."
quoteArray[159]="\Jenna’s boyfriend was full of magazine cover promises."
quoteArray[160]="\'Tobacco is the most efficient way to kill an artist.' - a coked out spinster in Zwolle"
quoteArray[161]="\‘If you dream of hotel maids, prepare to make your own bed.’ - a coked up Prime Minister in Nijmegen"
quoteArray[162]="\‘Whimsy is not enough to save the world.’ - A coked up lady in Stockholm "
quoteArray[163]="\‘Search for happiness in no object. Search for contentment in no achievement.’ - A coked up kid in Rotterdam"
quoteArray[164]="\‘From day one, parenting is a continual excercise in losing control.’ - A coked up guy in Bruges"
quoteArray[165]="\‘From experience, knowledge. From perspective, wisdom.’ - A coked up girl in Amsterdam"
quoteArray[166]="\Speechmakers are the parasites of History."
quoteArray[167]="\Beauty commands far more respect than force."
quoteArray[168]="\Mausoleums are just condos for the dead."
quoteArray[169]="\Most economic arguments make sense when you eliminate greed from the equation."
quoteArray[170]="\Life's biggest questions always require several answers."
quoteArray[171]="\In Worker's Heaven, the tools are made of doughnuts and Jesus has a union card."
quoteArray[172]="\Candidate for most embarrassing pharmacy question: ‘Do you have any sugar-free enemas?’"
quoteArray[173]="\There is 100% difference between 1 & 2, but the difference between 0 & 1 is infinite."
quoteArray[174]="\The only sane response to true beauty is shame."
quoteArray[175]="\We tend to forget that most of the earth has no nationality."
quoteArray[176]="\‘Aung San Suu Kyi is Free’ sounds like a Burmese Dr. Seuss book."
quoteArray[177]="\It is easier to believe in a giant diamond encrusted squid that swallowed the moon than the existence of the tv show T.J. Hooker."
quoteArray[178]="\I love everything about poetry except the reading of it."
quoteArray[179]="\American Psyche 5: The safety net is to blame whenever a man falls."
quoteArray[180]="\American Psyche 4: Resources are to be fought for and won - not gathered and shared."
quoteArray[181]="\Who will dream about your hinterland cheeks, iris eyes and drop-forged breasts in 10,000 years?"
quoteArray[182]="\Horatio Alger has done more damage to Americans than Alger Hiss."
quoteArray[183]="\You could sooner hurl a bright copper battleship into the sun than compel a child to sleep."
quoteArray[184]="\Any product characteristic - no matter how obscure - can be touted as a benefit."
quoteArray[185]="\Not all films need plots - but they all require journeys."
quoteArray[186]="\There is a certain smile reserved for the freshly caught criminal - the genuine satisfaction of the closed circle."
quoteArray[187]="\Your papers will burn, your plastic will melt, your metals will rust and your hair will still smell amazing."
quoteArray[188]="\The future has as much influence on us as our past."
quoteArray[189]="\I declare endless war on you, month of August, you hateful, impossible offal. You abomination. You dark, jagged ulcer on the calendar."
quoteArray[190]="\There's a good reason why ‘Taps’ is the easiest tune to play on the bugle."
quoteArray[191]="\Celebrate the mystery, the solution is of little consequence."
quoteArray[192]="\Where we hide has no relation to the horrors we've committed."
quoteArray[193]="\Few know more about vision than the blind."
quoteArray[194]="\The biggest discouragement to the modern artist is not lack of money or inspiration - but the overwhelming pile of art she must now face."
quoteArray[195]="\It’s unnecessary to dramatize a river or a donkey fight."
quoteArray[196]="\Brave are the bra-less, speedoed and malformed. The world's got more eyes than a Picasso potato - and as much heart."
quoteArray[197]="\Elevators require exceeding belief in reality."
quoteArray[198]="\The the poor man, money is everything. To the sick man, health is everything. To the modern man, the past is everything."
quoteArray[199]="\Abandon any society where the chief reward for risk is gluttony."
quoteArray[200]="\Be careful not to be quoted in earnest for something you said in jest - for example, the entire works of Leo Strauss."
quoteArray[201]="\American Psyche 3: From salty sun to searing waves to forests dark with snow, control is infinitely preferable to nature."
quoteArray[202]="\American Psyche 2: Lone gunman, lone star, lone blind bluesman with a Gibson guitar."
quoteArray[203]="\American Psyche 1: The best way to help someone is not to help at all."
quoteArray[204]="\War is forgiveness by other means."
quoteArray[205]="\Physical attractiveness is the cruelest curse God can inflict."
quoteArray[206]="\Excess is the midwife of meaninglessness."
quoteArray[207]="\Knowing something intuitively is no substitute for actually learning it."
quoteArray[208]="\Every purchase inflicts a wound."
quoteArray[209]="\Instead of merely winning money, there should be lotteries for fame, political office and poet laureate."
quoteArray[210]="\Airports are expensive reminders that we cannot stay aloft forever."
quoteArray[211]="\The artwork without the idea is nothing. That's why your kid can't do it."
quoteArray[212]="\Creativity is celebrated in every profession except the arts."


quoteShowing=-1;

function nextQuote()
{
  // restart at 0 if done
  if (quoteShowing >= numQuotes) quoteShowing=-1;
  quoteShowing++;

  // assign the value in the textbox to the new quote
  document.quoteForm.quoteHere.value = quoteArray[quoteShowing];
}

function prevQuote()
{
  // restart at end if on 0
  if (quoteShowing <= 0) quoteShowing=numQuotes+1;
  quoteShowing--;

  document.quoteForm.quoteHere.value = quoteArray[quoteShowing];
}

function randQuote()
{ 
  // Make sure you don't show the same quote 2x in a row
  prevQuoteShowing = quoteShowing;
  while(quoteShowing == prevQuoteShowing)
    quoteShowing = Math.ceil(Math.random() * numQuotes);

  document.quoteForm.quoteHere.value = quoteArray[quoteShowing];
}

window.onload=randQuote

